Axel didn’t say anything in response, but a few seconds later, he pulled the car into a rest stop and hit the engine. And we sat there. Sat there, both of us staring out of the window. Until my big brother’s arm wrapped around my neck and pulled me into his chest.
Tears built in my eyes at this simple gesture and I held my brother’s shirt tightly. “I don’t know what the fuck to do to make it better for you, Lev,” Axel rasped, as I exhaled a slow breath, trying hard to control my emotions.
I didn’t reply, I just waited until I could lift my head without falling apart. I slumped on the seat.
“I know you miss her, kid. I fucking do too, but you gotta try and live. You study, you play college football. I’m so fucking proud of you I could fucking burst. You’re smart, you’re the best of us, but you gotta try, Lev. Just try and live. Try and be happy. Or else, what’s the fucking point?”
I listened to his words and nodded my head. I knew he was right, but I didn’t know how to do it. I knew for sure that going to frat parties and getting piss drunk wasn’t it. But I didn’t want Axel to worry. All he did was worry about me, and even though he had made a shit ton of mistakes in our lives, he didn’t deserve my burden.
“I’ll try.” Then I forced myself to say, “Lo giuro.”
Axel sighed in relief. “That’s good, kid. That’s real fucking good.” He turned on the engine. “Now, where the fuck is this frat house? I know the area, but I need the address.”
I reeled off the address, and we arrived out front of the house a few minutes later. As the car came to a stop, Axel said, “Have a good time, yeah?”
Forcing a smile, I said, “Yeah, catch you later, Axe,” and got out of the car.
The large house was overflowing with students, most of the team drunkenly spilling out onto the lawn. I walked forward until Axel was out of sight. Then, as I looked up at the teeming house, my feet came to a dead stop.
This wasn’t my thing at all.
I wanted to show Axel and Austin I could do this, but the more I stared at students making out, kegs being cracked open as everyone stumbled around the lawn, I knew I couldn’t go in.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, I knew it would be Ashton, again. Making a split-second decision, and before I was seen, I lifted my hood over my head and ducked out onto the street. I set into a run, my Wide Receiver speed soon taking me well away from the frat house. Slowing down to a jog, then a gradual walk, I tucked my hands into my pockets and just followed my feet.
I couldn’t go back home yet, so I would walk.
I would walk until enough time had passed that my brothers would be fooled into thinking that I’d at least tried. Tried to be the normal kid I knew I could never be.
*
A couple of hours later, I’d found myself near a group of bars. I’d walked aimlessly, down street after street, just passing away the time. People were falling out of the nearby bars; loud music was blasting out of a pub on a corner. I watched the many groups of students filled with laughter. The smell of smoke and alcohol wafted in the cool night air.
Seeing a Starbucks up ahead, I tucked my hands into the pockets of my hoodie and made my way across the road. I was about to approach the door, when I heard the sound of a male voice coming from the alley in between the coffee house and a deli.
At first I put it down to a drunken man stumbling around in the dark, until I heard a dull crash and the sound of a muffled, pained female shout. I immediately backed away from the door and arrived at the mouth of the alley. It was pitch black, except for the dim light of a street lamp on the other side of the alley wall. A quick movement immediately caught my eye. The male voice growled low again. This time, the female cry was loud and distinct.
Without thinking I raced down the alley, quickly catching sight of a man pinning a girl against a brick wall. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I could guess what he was trying to do.
Without thinking I lunged at the man, gripping his shoulders and throwing him to the ground in one motion. His body hit the floor with a thud, and I turned to see him pushing himself to get up. I got a good look at his puffed up alcohol-laden features, his dirty clothes and his filthy skin. Clenching my hand into a fist, I plunged it straight into his face.
I heard the distressed girl cry once again. Whipping my head round, I saw her curled into a ball at the furthest corner of the alley’s wall. I could hear her heavy stuttered breathing, then she started coughing a rough and chesty cough.
I heard footsteps echo down the alley, and when I glanced back to the drunken attacker, I saw him running toward the busy sidewalk. I was about to run after him, when the girl in the corner started coughing again, only this time she couldn’t stop.